Sometimes I hesitate to post some things as I know that something or someone out there is eventually going to index all of this for posterity. With the understanding that we are all living history for the benefit of the future’s time-travelling tourists, I’ll share what is likely to be the peak of my literary prowess:

A SUMMER DAY

This is my nicest summer day. It was a humid day in July. I was leaning against a large oak tree while little sweat droplets raced down my cheeks like sprinters. The little sparrows sang and sang. Their songs soothed my ears. I could smell the crisp leaves as a cool breeze went by swiftly. The scent of the wind and the bypassing leaves soon had made me doze off. Even in my sleep I could feel the breeze massaging me. When I woke up everything was the same. I saw the little blades of grass swaying in the cool crisp breeze like waves in the Pacific Ocean. I could smell my mother baking scrumptious cookies and the scent led a trail right to the cookies.

Ken - Grade 5

My mom sent me this paragraph the other day. Aya opened it up and grinned ear to ear while I looked on and wondered what it could be she was reading. Apart from the entire scenario being a complete fabrication, it still encapsulates much of what I’m about: taking naps and eating cookies. I can’t recall ever falling asleep against a tree, let alone an oak, and I couldn’t even tell a sparrow from a mockingbird, so I suppose I had already learned a good amount of puffery at that tender age. More similes = better grades.

In any case… After a trip to Japan in January (some pictures are in the gallery), what I have to mention are two terrible movies shown on the flights:

1) The Guardian - starring Kevin Costner and Ashton Kutcher - Top Gun in a pool, minus charismatic leads and probably about 2 hours too long. I only watched this b/c we were on an older 747 which didn’t have individual screens. Moreover, I had to watch it a total of 3 times before I was on a flight that actually showed the ending (the first 2 times the ending was cut off abruptly by the flight landing).

2) Gridiron Gang - starring The Rock - I can’t say this movie measures up to the ineptitude of The Guardian, but it’s about as cookie cutter as they come.

I am certain I am dumber as a result of watching both of these movies. Something must be wrong with me for actually submitting myself to these mind-numbing affairs.